do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
