Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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