In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
