you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
