she woke up with a sticky ear
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
