shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
