My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
