she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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