I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
