Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
