You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
