Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
