i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
