I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
