I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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