Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I love you. Go after that dick
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
