I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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