I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
