there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Found the puke drawer
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
