Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think my fart just growled at me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone signed my nipple.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
