Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
