it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
