she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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