Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
did i walk over a car last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
