you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
