You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
