you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Someone signed my nipple.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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