he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
