Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Randomize
