How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Are we still banned from the library?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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