so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
