i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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