Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
