My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
