I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
