she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
