Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
