nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
