I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
