We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
