Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
