Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
