After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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