we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
