in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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