Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
