Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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