I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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