Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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