I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
