dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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