i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
