Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
