it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
