Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
